by egerstein | Apr, 2013 | Blog
Sometimes you just have to PUSH…Keep on keeping on. I have to remember this all the time. When it gets really difficult I have to go back to a time in my life when I was young and it seems to me now, that I was extremely determined….a Quiet Warrior. When I feel unsure and afraid now, I remember that time of my life.
I was eight years old and my sister, who was four years older then me was a horse back rider and would go to the stables a few times a week and ride and once a week have a lesson. She rode in horse shows in equitation classes, which judges your form on the horse. It was very exciting when the family would go to the horse show to watch my sister show her horse. Her form was beautiful to watch.
I longed to be just like her, to show ride and have beautiful form and have everyone excited to watch me. So…I started begging my parents for lessons and explained I wanted to be just like Joannie, my incredible sister.
My parents agreed to give me lessons and my mother would take me religiously once a week. I would be in the back seat curled up like a cashew nut with a death grip on a few carrots for the horse and silently crying…The problem was, I was deathly afraid of horses!
My Mom would always say. “Ellen, you don’t have to ride horses like Joannie, we love you just as much.” I would say, “I’m fine and I’m going to ride horses. I rode and rode and rode till I learned how to show a horse. When you show a horse, it has nothing to do with your form…it has everything to do with the horse and YOU have to ride that horse so it does the BEST it can do. When I was eleven years old, trainers asked me to ride for their stables and then my dear, beloved father was so proud of me he bought me a young 5-gaited mare called LUCKY CO-ED. I pushed myself and went from a shy youngster who didn’t want to even be seen; to a more confident girl I learned how to compete in a healthy way. I kept at it pushing and giving myself pep talks and visualizing myself as a winner. I was still shy, but I began to believe in myself more and more.
I competed in the shows, me, the pimple faced kid with braces, against adults and professional trainers.
The Little Engine that could and her horse LUCKY CO-ED became the Florida State 5-gaited champion 3 years in a row at age eleven, twelve, and thirteen. My love for horses taught me so much. I had that love, still had fear, but took my fear with me and chugged on ….
Now when I am overwhelmed or think, I can’t, I remember when…scared or not, I just kept on going and going and going. You never know what can happen!
by egerstein | Apr, 2013 | Blog
The dogs don’t seem to have trouble sleeping so why…oh why…can’t I!!!!
Yes…that is right…I have a lot on my mind….come on…but still…I should be able to count sheep…pop off….relax and go to dream land… I know..I could organize my office…finish the treatment to my latest creation…learn the monologue me,,5,,BIG pages.) I could work on the writing of my one woman show…for my BFF Sylvia…
I could throw out some papers I don’t need but for some reason keep. I could organize anything in the house….One always needs constant organizing sessions especially when you aren’t born with the organization gene…..I know you know what I mean.
I could get up and go to all night market and do someone shopping for things I need in the house…I could hug and kiss and love the dogs …Annie and LULU…although I think when I did it two minutes ago…I think I heard a grumble from LULU to ANNIE. Something like. ”I wish she would go to sleep. She MEANS well, but she is LOVIN us to death. So I am trying to hold back. I don’t want to annoy them! I could get up and exercise. There is a thought that will remain…a thought. OH…I could get up and dance. I LOVE to dance. I would probably get toooo excited and then never go to sleep.
Ok..let me confess already…Here it is. I’m not proud. I have to admit. But I did it. I didn’t want to. But I did. Ok. I am upset . With myself. But. I don’t have a sponsor. It just happened. For some reason I lost all control. That should never happen. Who’s the Boss. I’m THE BOSS!!! Here it is;
I don’t eat dairy. I love cheese. But. I don’t buy it for the house. I bought a huge …let’s just say BRICK of cheese…(cheddar…medium sharp}_ Now I bought it cause I had to give my dog LULU (who is 19 and a half years old ) some pills and it is easier if I put it into cheese….So..
After 200 times of TRYING to give LULU her pills in cheese I was exhausted and building up an appetite. Well…There was nothing in the house…ok. Except for a few old rice cakes…BORING!!!!…So;
I lost control of my mind! Myself!!! I must of blacked out… cause I can’t remember what happened next and then next. All I remember is …
When I got up …came to. The cheese was missing. Lulu looked hungry and I was very FULL!. I am in bed with a heating pad on my tummy and I feel sick and uncomfortable.
I’m tired…Do you think it is easy to eat the whole brick.???
I DID go through part of an outline for the one woman show. Now I have to remind myself NOT to think about sleeping cause that will make me anxious and then it will never happen.
Oh…I am finally getting tired. If I miss this sleepy time boat it will be my last chance to get on board….gotta go….gotta relax. But. I gotta hurry. I am on the boat…NIte Nite!
![Late Night With…..MYSELF!]()
by egerstein | Mar, 2013 | Blog
Late, Late….LAATTEEE night is MY time. No phone ringing, no one at the door. The dogs are asleep and it is totally my private time…I LOVE IT….I can do WHATEVER I want…exciting things. Like…Like…Like …Um…do a wash…Yeah boy…I know how to have FUN!…Or. if I really want to feel like I am having a PPPPAAAARRRTTTYYYY….I could take the plastic off the dry cleaning I picked up the other day….and to even outdo myself ….like that is at all possible, I might (hard to commit to this one) but..I said I MIGHT clean off my desk and the desktop of my computer! I am exhausted from having such a terrific, fun evening….well ….nite, nite!!!!!
![FROM MY BFF: SLEEPY TIME WITH SYLVIA]()
by egerstein | Mar, 2013 | Blog
Sometimes it is difficult to sleep cause of the huge rollers I set my hair with…..I am about 3 feet above my pillow. Oy…how I suffer for beauty…..Then about 4 or 5 times a night I check to see if Harold is still breathing. I check with my little mirror. Last night it was faint…but…still breathing…I have no luck.!
…No mazel! Well tomorrow…well I guess you would call it today…just little later, I am gonna have lunch with a friend. Now I don’t know what to have, the tuna or the salmon, or should I even have fish all together. Sometimes I am just not in a mood to make big decisions. Well I am turning on the heating paid. So…where do I put it tonight? On my tummy (I’m bloated). My neck (always cramped up) My left knee, had new knee put in and It is killin me! Another BIG decision. It’s not easy, since I am a LIBRA. Very difficult being a Libra…but also a lot of fun. Well I guess I should try to go to sleep. I need my sleep to go to lunch tomorrow.
Nite my peeps.
![CNN is CONFUSED…..They don’t know who the victim is in a rape case.]()
by egerstein | Mar, 2013 | Blog
CNN is absolutely in tears over the two young rapists ruining their lives. They are tremendously upset over the lasting impact that the punishment will have and how their lives are ruined. Not ONE word about the lasting affect the RAPE will have on the victim and how it will affect the victim the rest of her life. CNN sees the rapists as the victims.
by egerstein | Mar, 2013 | Blog
Monday, Monday….Oh Yeah…Is it the end of the weekend OR the beginning of the week…Is that like the glass is half empty or half full…ONWARD…It is the beginning of the week.
I have been waking up startled, by sawing and hammering and yelling for the past, let’s say, 7 months, since they have been building the new “house” next door. Oh they say it’s a house, but it looks like a motel…Like many boxes balanced on one another. OF course it is way, and I mean WAY to big for the lot and I am wondering why they put in a “swimming pool”…if it is the size of a soaking tub that you can’t quite turn around in??? Well you can always put fish in it and turn it into a small pond…better get small fish.
So now when I walk out of my bedroom to my deck, I no longer have to be alone…NO…I can just look to my right and my neighbors and I can visit from my deck and they from their bedroom, since they have huge windows over looking the most beautiful sight…my deck and bedroom. WOW! Like a commune. Brings back those wonderful 60’s. I don’t have to call, I can just say it softly, or give a whisper…”Good morning. What’s for breakfast”?….or…”We are sleeping left to right tonight”.
