Love Late At Night

 

WOW! How wonderfully private late at night is….You can do anything you want to do.  You can work on your beloved projects…with no interruptions.  You can write in bed…make your  TO DO LIST in bed…You can pay your bills…in bed…You can read the paper…in bed…You can text….in bed.  You can email …in bed.  You can get your room as well as your mind organized…while …in bed.  You can go to the bathroom and leave the door open to the bedroom.  You can go on facebook…while in bed.  You can go over a script in bed.  You can go over and over and over your lines in bed.  Sometimes I wonder why I have the rest of my house….Who needs it…I can do just about anything in bed!

I went to have a late dinner with a friend last night …. Don’t really go anywhere to much.  Went to Burbank and thought I had travelled.  It was very nice on San Ferrnando Rd.  Made me want to really make a trip….but must work on projects from my heart!   Fortunate to be able to do work that I love.  So grateful for that….

Yes… I’m a lucky lady!

Wish My parents were here so I could tell them.

 

THE MEMORIES…LEAD TO WHO I AM

THE MEMORIES…LEAD TO WHO I AM

Ah yes….I was always bringing homeless and sick animals home to my mom who would teach my sister and me how to care for the animal. We would keep them and nurse them back to a healthy life. I brought home a little sick kitten with ring worm and before you knew it we all had ring worm….then, we all got healthy. My mom would find a place for them to live with us in our little house in Miami. I also remember….when I was pretty young my father would take me with him to jail! You see, my Popi would go there on Monday because two of the men that worked for him liked to dress up as women on the weekends and go out dancing. Needless to say, that did not go over well many years ago in Miami. So Monday morning my dad would take me and we would go and get them released. I would hear my dad talking to the police. “Come on, they aren’t hurting anyone, For God’s sake can’t you leave them alone”? Then, of course, the next Monday we would pick them up again. My parents had a wonderful sense of humanity, and humor. Fortunately, I inherited both from them. Some of my fondest memories were when my Popi would take me with him to the fights. By now I think you get that I was the son he had never had. My dad was very good friends with Angelo Dundee who trained Ali and many other champions. My dad introduced me to magicians and many fighters and trainers and all sorts of interesting people. I met Ali when he was very young and his name was Cassius Clay. My dad told me, “See that man? He is going to be the world champion. I was looking at him, mesmerized, as he floated around the room.
Something inside of me was always for the under dog. The one who needed someone to root for them….and I was only too happy to be their cheerleader.
When I was growing up I rode horses and had horses. I started riding when I was 8 years old because my older sister rode horses and I wanted to be just like her. The problem was, I was afraid of horses and very, very insecure and shy. I remember my mother taking me to the stables for my riding lesson every week and every week I would be in the back seat a nervous wreck, clutching an apple to give to the horse . My mom would say, “You don’t have to ride horses Ellen”. I learned how to take the fear with me. I learned how to show a horse, to be competitive in a healthy, positive way and became the youngest Florida chanpion of the 5-Gaited division for two years in a row with my magical horse LUCKY-COED. I also rode western and was Florida reserve champion in the Western Pleasure division. I had my own used 56-ford convertible, (with holes in the floor board) named BETSY, I loved that car and a two-horse trailer. I taught riding and trailered horses so I could make money. Those were wonderful, fun, educational and character building times.
Part of my years my father was very successful, he was the mattress king of south Florida and we had an affluent lifestyle. Part of growing up my father went bankrupt when he took in someone to run the business while he and my mother went traveling and I was raised with hardly any money. Both were very important life experiences…The good, the bad and the ugly have helped to mold me.
I had a cousin Howard, who did not feel part of society. He would only work at night so he didn’t have to be around people. He did not feel like he belonged and that touched my heart. When I went to college …University of Georgia…back in the day. (My roommate had never seen a Jewish girl). I started the Georgia Students For Human Rights and a tutorial program for kids that needed help. I majored in Sociology, the study of groups and group behavior, VERY INTERESTING.
When I graduated I moved to NYC and was a social worker for the Welfare department. Many years later when I was 41, I went to graduate school at ANTIOCH UNIVERSITY and received a graduate degree in psychology while I was also in a play at the Mark Taper Forum.
I have always been interested in the people that felt isolated from society, thrown away, or pushed to the side…perhaps invisible. As you can see, it is the subject matter I was drawn to at a very early age. This has always been and will always be, a very important theme in my work, as a actor, director and writer.
One’s personal triumph is worth working hard for as well as worth waiting for.
Because, One’s personal triumph is SUCCESS!

Up and Down

So …the question is….How can you be depressed if you have flowers. !!! The roses are blooming and gardenias and camillas and NIGHT BLOOMING JASMINE on and on. The beautiful climbing roses..the Edan rose (looks so old fashion).
I cut flowers from my yard and put then in my house…WOW…that knocks me out..and makes me feel soooo good..
So….My new life is LIFE WITHOUT DOGS!!! I have never NOT had a dog…mostly two dogs in over 30 years the good part is …I am FREE..I can go anywhere at anytime. If I am out and
on the spur of the moment want to go anywhere else I can. I do not have to say…No, I have to go home and walk and feed the dogs. Then I go home and walk and feed the dogs and once I am home I don’t go out again cause I stay home with the dogs . I feel to guilty going out again. NowI don’t have to pay people to take care of the dogs if I am not there. YIPPPPPEEEEEEE. It is such a different type of life.. That is the GOOD news.
And now. Here is the BAD news. I don’t want to go home cause there is no smiling dog there to share love with. To worry about. To have a schedule for. To take care of . To nurture and feel uplifted when I see their happiness.
I am starved for doggie love. It’s been reallllll difficult , but I am trying to get some projects done and important trips I must take so I am trying to hold back.. OY, is it tremendously hard for me to wait. Sometimes it is so hard that I cut more and more flowers to cheer me up. To tell you the truth…I don.t know how long I can last. I would like to write more…BUT…I have to go get more flowers!!!!!!

What a fun…wonderful shoot

What a fun…wonderful shoot on the short film Come Away With Me. Written beautifully by Dave Field. The incredibly talented, Charlie Robinson played Michael Blake and I played Anne Dugan. The crew were so wonderful and worked so well together. This shoot was a great experience for me as an actor/director. Our DP was the incredible Polly Morgan, nothing was too much for her to do and she was so easy to work with. Our producer/editor was the very talented Julie Janata who was so “on it”. I feel so fortunate to have worked on this project because it was so dear to my heart, and meant so much to me.
This story is a bittersweet love story, where a woman goes back to her 50 year high school reunion to rekindle her romance with her high school sweetheart who now suffers from Post traumatic stress syndrome and doesn’t remember her, until after she leaves.
This story took place outside on a bench at a VA rehab facility. I am so happy to be doing this project, to have such wonderful help by everyone. The crew was seamless. The location, outside at the Tierra Del Sol facility was exactly right. Ari Robbins, the steadicam operator was soooo good. Kelly Ambrow/sound was terrific. Alicia Fschmeister/1st AC and Elizabeth Hodgman/2ndAC couldn’t have been better. Nicolas Budner and Jon Gomez and Luis De Tagie were wonderful grips. Shirak Agresta/still photographer rocked and Lisa Ribar was incredible with hair and make-up. Colin/DIT was great and Brent Mason/pitched in for production design. Thank you Gabreilla Leone for craft services and thank you so much Chris Hobbs, Josh and Sebastion.Camadaeus Film, Technologies.
Onward to recording the song, COME AWAY WITH ME TONIGHT that Catherine Grealish and I wrote for the film, with the incredible Hollie Cavanaugh singing it.. I feel so fortunate to have such special people to work with. An exceptional experience……. GALLOPING ONWARD TO POST!!!!

RELATIONSHIPS…..….WHO’S GIVIN AND WHO’S TAKIN?

RELATIONSHIPS…..….WHO’S GIVIN AND WHO’S TAKIN?

That is what the world is made of …RELATIONSHIPS…  Some are classified GOOD and some are classified  BAD…Some are acquaintances…some are lovers..parents…friends….casual friends…good friends and as we move up the ladder…BEST friends.  Some are husbands…wives…children…daughters..sons…teachers…doctors…ok..WHATEVER.  Soooo many kinds of relationships.  And the huge variety of relationships is exactly what makes life so interesting.  I think all the relationships you ever have in your life are important.  It’s a good idea to try your best with any and all of your relationships.  Some you try so very hard that you bring it into therapy.  Of course you also have to have a working relationship with the therapist.  Some are easy.  Some are easier then others.  Some are just plain difficult.  What a great feeling when a relationship works.  There is a learning process with some .  A good idea would be to have a book of directions with some , you know, maybe even with drawings.  Of course the biggest relationship is the one you have with yourself.  Oh boy, that one takes quite a long time to figure out.  Often we need to go to someone to help us figure it out.  Of course we are continue to figure it out throughout our lifetime.  Once we get a pretty good grip on our relationship with ourselves, then we have even better relationships with others.  I absolutely feel it ‘s best to keep those relationships that make us feel good and …let’s just say, walk away from the one’s that make us feel …not so good.

Relationships teach us so much…about people, about the world, about ourselves. We also learn about sharing and love!  What about that big, tough one COMPROMISE!!!   I love the one’s that there is a special bond.  It is such a comfortable feeling to talk to someone or see someone after not seeing and talking for many years and you start right up like you haven’t missed a day!   Sometimes you give…sometimes you take….sometimes it feels uneven..then it changes.  When you have a close relationship that you can put your trust in and they can trust you and you feel loved and that can breed intimacy…of course that can bring about fear…which can drive you back to the therapist.  I wish I had been better at relating to and with my family.  There is no going back.  I will have to go forward trying harder at  relationships, doing the best I can do.

No matter what.  I love relationships. There is room in my heart for all kinds.

Hey, where would we be without them?

LIFE…I’M MORE THEN HALF WAY THROUGH…BUT I KEEP ON TRUCKIN

LIFE…I’M MORE THEN HALF WAY THROUGH…BUT I KEEP ON TRUCKIN

So what stage of life am I in.?    I am tying to figure it all out.  I certainly am aware of getting older.  In so many ways I seem to be moving on in life.  As an actor I am certainly aware of going up for auditions of a different type.  No longer do I go up for certain parts….but now go up for those part’s mother…..and now even going up for how can I say this….GRANDMOHTERS….When did this happen?  I wasn’t really aware of this happening.  I feel invisible in ways.  No longer to men come on to me or flirt with me.  Now they just give me a seat.  Need I say I DON’T like it!

I don’t have the empty next syndrome..  I never had children.  I had dogs instead.  They were my children.  I  got to be very maternal and express wonderful unconditional love.  I also received unconditional love from my beloved dogs.  I never got married, but did not feel like I had missed out on anything.  Most of my girlfriends had never got married either.  Many of my friends never had children, so in my circle it was a popular life style.  I thought about marriage and that type of life but I believe you marry when you are with someone you WANT to marry.  If you don’t meet that person then you are better off staying single.  My parents and sister have all passed on.  Loosing them was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I miss them terribly.  but I have wonderful friends that are my family.

Scale down?  Hummmm.  I rebuilt my house from the ground  up four years ago and love it. It has a wonderful flow, very open with a European feel. It is small, but big enough.  They will have to drag me out of it.

When I think about RETIREMENT, I feel like that is a foreign word and has nothing to do with me..  At this time in my life I finally realize..not to worry so much and just do what you want to do.  Go forward with projects you have passion for and not to think about what the result will be., just do the very best you can do and ENJOY the process.

I  still am an actore…a writer…director…and teach and coach acting. And also do a character on you tube. I love what I do and do it the very best that I can.  I still have passion for my projects.  I still learn from every venture.  I know I will do what I do as long as I can.  I will continue to go galloping ahead with excitement in my heart..

 

Font Resize